I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
