I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
