he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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