i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
