yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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