So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
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