# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
