tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
