dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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