Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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