you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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