I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
