i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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