I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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