Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
