forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize