my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
