update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
