I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
