don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
