I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
