I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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