Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
this is an emotional support booty call
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
