No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
