so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
