Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
