It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
