Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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