I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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