Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
