I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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