Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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