I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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