I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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