its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
