she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
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