Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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