Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
