Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
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