Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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