That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
