my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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