yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
They took my balls.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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