If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
