My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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