mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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