I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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