Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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