I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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