They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
