It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
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I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
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It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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