So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
