i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
