Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
