You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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