i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
