i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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