I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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