I just pynch a tree in the face
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
