her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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