Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
