the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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