I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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