Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Having a random hookup so left but love u
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
