Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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