so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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