i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
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i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
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I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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