Your tits are I can't wait for
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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