i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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