Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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